Next Time Around

If I was going to come back in my next life as an animal, and I got to choose that animal, I think I’d like to be a hammer head shark… no no no, a Himalayan brown bear! No wait, a dragon. Definitely a dragon. I know EXACTLY what you’re going to say about that. “You can’t be a dragon, because dragons are extinct.” Well, my answer to that is: “how do you know for sure?!” BAM!

You don’t know. Just because you’ve never seen a dragon and some little know-it-all-professor-geek on a NOVA special, told you that dragons all died out, because the unicorns ate all their food while they were sleeping, you now think you are some sort of dragon expert ologist. Well, you know what, you AREN’T an ologist! And I think dragons are still around, they’re just shy.

Do you think the government wants us to know about dragons? Think about it. I mean, we just RECENTLY found out that unicorns aren’t just freak horses, but actually an highly intelligent alien race that is living among us! For all you know, I could be a unicorn, typing this with my golden hooves. I mean sure, it’s destroying my laptop, and waking up the neighbors, but whatever. You get the point I’m making here: Don’t buy your car from Team Nissan Lithia Springs, because they suck, and Sriracha and mayonnaise mixed together is bad ass.

Auf Wiedersehen,
Eliot

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8 Responses to Next Time Around

  1. Tracey says:

    Seriously about Sriracha and mayo?

  2. Gordon Nash says:

    You are missing a key point. The question of whether or not dragons are extinct and even if the question of whether or not dragons ever existed has no bearing on your ability to be reincarnated as one. All that matters is that dragons exist in the future, some time after your death.

    Here’s an example from real life. In my previous life I was a pachycephalosaurus. Humans didn’t exist then. No matter; I just waited tens of millions of years for them to evolve so I could come back as one.

  3. Gordon Nash says:

    Glen Beck is pretty close. Maybe some controlled breeding starting with him and Sarah Palin could speed up the process. Oh, but that would lead to dragons you wouldn’t want to reincarnate as. This might require crossing humans with hot peppers.

  4. John eay says:

    arf weimaraner

  5. John Seay says:

    doh!

  6. Gilda Sue says:

    Where did you get this photo of me?

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