In The Wings

snow-angelsI must have been 8 or 9 years old at the time. I was supposed to sing with a bunch of other kids in my church’s Christmas program. I don’t remember the song. I do remember that I went to the bathroom at the wrong time and missed my cue to get dressed in our little white angel outfits. I walked into the hall and everyone else was taking the stage in their bleach-white frocks. I just stood there, not knowing what to do. Do I jump up, mid song, in my corduroy pants and polo shirt– the only mortal in the choir? Or do I just wait it out and hope no one notices I was missing? I looked around at the adults and at my parents, but everyone was looking at the cherubs. I walked up to the side of the stage, but couldn’t go on. At that moment I realized how badly I wanted to be out in front of everyone, instead of the standing in the shadows.

I still feel that way now. Like I missed the curtain call. Like I just want to be one of the angels — one of the pretty people standing in the light. I don’t feel like one of those people, and I never have. The company is better down here in the shadows though. And I don’t have to wear a ridiculous outfit.



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6 Responses to In The Wings

  1. Wow that’s a strong memory for you. Don’t worry, you are one of the pretty people! We are all way too hard on ourselves I’m sure.

    • eliotjames says:

      Thanks Elaine. Maybe no one feels like “one of the pretty people.” But I’ve always been somehow outside of the group. Whatever that group might be. Given the choice though, I’d probably stay outside 🙂

  2. I agree with Elaine, you are definitely one of the pretty people! I do enjoy the company down here in the shadows though.

  3. carolkaruna says:

    Love this story

    Sent from my iPhone

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